To The Victor

I have made many serious mistakes in life and my outfit today was one of them. You see, wearing white linen pants on a rainy day in Nairobi's muddy and treacherous streets is not a choice made by dignified and rational thinkers. It got me thinking about the many times my impulsive thinking has had my foot up my delicates.

Perhaps such are the nitty gritties that land me in my usual conundrums with members of the fairer sex. Let me first point out that everything about my physical appearance is quite average; except for my unrefined charisma. Yet, paradoxically, I seem to be irresistable to ladies I could care less about...... oh, the irony!

It is exactly this kind of predicament that has led me to deduce some types of girls who make the first approach (and I speak for most men) that I would rather do frog-jumps all day than date.

1. Hunter
Men, as a general rule, are patriachs and hunters by nature who go for what they truly want. Therefore, it is no surprise really that men are not prima facié attracted to females who put all their cards on the table in the shape of risking a blatant rejection.

There is nothing like a dame in shining armour taking your words right out of your mouth and leaving you dumbfounded. A statement of intent by the lady to wear the pants in the relationship is disrespectful to the millions of boys who lack the cojones to ask the girl out let alone profess their love for a girl. Utter disrepect!

2. The Showboat
She is the confident but sassy leech who is hell bent on crushing all the ego a man possesses courtesy of his God given testesterone.

Whether it be by her success, intelligence or beauty, she is outspoken in her unequivocal search for the man of her dreams.

You can be sure that this omnipotent species is not only here to steal your thunder but also to make you feel like your genitals are part of a mediocre decoration to promote underwear sales.

3. The Needy
Apparently, yours truly is haunted by the kind of women who hang by a man's every word and action. They are the kind of women that make the nosy busybody curious about love spells and black magic.

Do not get me wrong, it repulses no man to feel wanted, needed and attractive. However, it is all fun and games until your conversations begin with merry christmas wishes and end with flirty remarks that scream sexual harrassment!

4. Sly
It is quite perplexing that the last group of predators should have the propensity of a nonchalant fox but that is just the way of the world.

They consider the attributes mentioned above as juvenile and primitive because they possess a higher intelligence quotient (this is a polite way of saying that they have been to college).

They assess the men they fancy, come up with a strategy then work it to perfection. They might even ocassionally play the 'hard to get' card. Once they get you hook, line and sinker, the curtains come down on the charade...and behold.....it is the needy, showboating go-getter in the outfit and jewellery you both picked out for her on her birthday.

Sadly in this case, to the victor - the spoils..!