Amidst Normative Patterns

Today I start writing with absolutely nothing to write about.....no inspiration, no pre-meditated themes or anything really, nada. And paradoxically, in this very moment, I have just realised that my theme has been staring at me blatantly in the face, only I was too blind (read lazy) to see it.

It is freezing today, and although I'm dressed like a dying eskimo, I can still feel the freeze and thaw action piercing through my chest in a perplexing yet intriguing rythmic pattern. That is to say, my lords and ladies, that my body feels warm yet my mind has a cold vacuum feel.

Today is not one of those days that my exhibitionism is in contention, in fact, for the sake of consensus, I concur.

I have discovered that I have systematic patterns that outline my livelihood and ego. As lazy as I am, I have worked my way up the educational ladder by inconsistent concentration and half-hearted participation. This has led me to procrastinate and chase deadlines and inadvertently, punctual is not an adjective people use to describe yours truly.

I am a perfectionist and although the true perfectionist knows that nothing is perfect, I still strive for the impossible (and if that does not reveal my relationship status to you, nothing ever will). Therefore, for every appointment, class or rendez vous, it takes me an eternity to arrive. Perhaps I am ardoned with the mildly irritating feminine build-up. Perhaps in my strive for perfection, antecedence repulses me like holding hands does a six-year old. Or perhaps it has something to do with my inherent laziness. Who knows?

Nevertheless I easily justify my lack of punctuality with fate, yes you read right, fate. My reassurance that I have evaded inevitable accidents and a potential death is always concurrent with the arrivals. Hitherto, my superstitions have not failed me, or am I not alive and well writing this post? I rest my case.

Obviously, this laziness has led to a lack of punctuality and consequently I have become a pathological liar. You may judge, you may act all condescending or you may even detest my egocentric gut but wait until you find the subject (girl) you have stood up for more than two hours baying for your blood. The first lie pops up when your hug is greeted by a snorty shove and hearty unprintable insults and a curse upon your poor uninvolved family and voila!

The first lie is usually like a first kiss...spontaneous, risky, off-sync and for the few, unbelievable. However, like kisses, you manage to work yourself up in time and behold, lying comes naturally like dreadlocks to ugly teenagers.

I more often than not lie to myself that white lies are of no consequence..."I got late in traffic....The car was held up by police....I forgot my phone and had to go back..." See, no one gets hurt and in the end, nerves are at ease. However the more lies you tell, the bigger they get because a lie is usually covered up by another lie and another lie and another, its a never-ending cycle of deceit.

But like Bob Marley once sang, "You can fool some people sometime, but you can't fool all  the people all the time."

I have paradoxically found my kryptonite deeply embedded in my super power. Whereas I can easily bamboozle myself out of awkward situations with a few words, I still destroy great trusts and relationships I build with the same. Apparently, lying is not greeted with thankyou notes even if it was to protect the victim is question, and behold you are now a persona non-grata to someone you shared secrets with. I know what you're thinking, how myopic!

Words matter least, actions even less when dealing with pathological liars. In fact what matters most is patterns, which is to say that change lies not in changing your words or actions but changing of patterns. Quite like a drug addict, you do not just wake up and decide to quit (actually you can, but tell that to the rehabilitation centres) but it is a gradual process which needs change in patterns. A smoker of five packs changes to three, and after sometime two, then one day the addiction is gone.

This fairy tale rehabilitation step is quite candidly good for deceit. For deception is an addiction which varies from liar to liar, the extent of which is hard to determine because, well, you are dealing with liars. My cynical approach to this rehabilitation hullabaloo only goes to show that I believe in personal change. Even the so called psychologists tell you that change comes from within, and the gullible lot of us fork out thousands for the collosal help of the swindling practitioners. Quite frankly, paying a liar to cure your lying disease disgusts me, but such are the ironies of life.

Only when the lying patterns change can you eradicate this mind engulfing misdemeanor. I am skeptical that it can be totally eradicated because let's face it.....you cannot read all terms and conditions before installing a new software. However, honesty when it does matter can really be achieved, although those are double-standards.

Perhaps my cynical and widely skeptical mindset have justified my deception as being human. Perhaps lying is inevitable and it is therefore unfair to grade liars just because some people couldn't lie to save their lives where others suceed with aplomb and such grace, like yours truly. Perhaps....perhaps. Who knows?

But when all's said and done I am lazy and as such, I shall tackle this issue another day.